Tough Girl 101

(alternatively titled "Why feminism might be dead")

I have finally realized what my hell would be. It would be an eternal damnation among Pod People. I don't mean the strange sci-fi pod people, but the kind that exist and live among us. For reasons I do not wish to disclose, I was forced to associate with three girls so alike in their bottle-dyed hair, Old Navy pull overs and over all personality that one was near indistinguishable from the other. The psychogical term for this would be "outgroup homogeneity". I'm sure that amongs themselves, they are individuals but since I'm not in their group I see no substantial differences between them. Of course, the difference between "wheat blonde" hair vs. "barley blonde" hair might be giganting to Ditzy, Dopey, and Blondy but to the rest of us it's all the same... It's still freakin' blonde.

One of them was dating a Football player who was practicing on the field. Each time she saw his number she squeeled and hopped over to get a better view of her honey and the other two wood Eek! and leap in tow.

Next, a wretched song came over the radio and all freakin' three of them began to sing that stupid bubble gum pop nonesense. Now, I don't have anything against pop songs per se, BUT, there is absolutely NOTHING substantial to be gained from the Pussycat Dolls... Every song I hear from them boils down to one thing "I'm so hot, I'm so famous, I'm so sexy, pay attention to me! Please!!!!!" Then again, I'm not exactly their target audience.

Do you know what it's like hearing three blonde harpies singing "when I grow up" by that girl group of six girls that could be reduced to one generic female singer since the other five are just background fluff and basically worthless. Yeah "When I grow up, I wanna see the world, Drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies". What a substantial ambition to have. When I was young, I wanted to be an astronaut. Not an MTv stripper. Just sayin'....

The pod people swarmed together like bees around a hive. They couldn't seperate from one another, not even to go to the bathroom-God forbid they be seen without a friend around! People might think they're loners! What on earth would that do to their popularity? Wah.

I'm waiting for one of them to have an existential breakdown when they realize that they have no identity outside their little pod.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the fact that they all had the same major, same clothes, same hair style, same taste in boys, same taste in music means nothing... I'm sure they all have their own identities and personalities. I'm sure that I'm just being judgemental, and the Pussycat dolls really have something of substance to offer the music industry.

Then again, maybe not.

When last we left our intrepid heroine, she was head banging to Blink-182 and accidentally holding hands with Cowboy. As soon as the song ended and our heads were safely screwed back on and not rocking with the baseline like bobble head dolls, we realized "uhmm, oh shit!" and withdrew towards our respective windows creating as much space between the two of us as possible.

Though the music was blaring through the speakers, we may as well have been sitting in utter silence. This is why having passengers frustrate me. If I'm alone in the car I can make a fool of myself, sing as loud as I want, as off key as I want, head bang as hard as I want. With a passenger, the priority is conversation. If you're not conversing with your passenger (and your passenger isn't asleep) a huge vortex of awkwardness just envelopes the vehicle and you're stuck waiting for someone-hopefully the other person-to say something.

"I'm deploying to Germany soon." He finally said.

"With your reserves unit?" I asked. What a dumb question. Who else would he be deploying with? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

"Yeah, who else would I be deploying with?" D'oh! Out of the corner of my eye I knew he was looking at me with his head cocked to the side, one eye brow raised and the word 'duh!' proverbially written all over his face.

"When will you get back?" I asked, completely breezing through his question.

"By [undisclosed date]" he said.

Having nothing else to say, I remained silent. Then the awkwardness ensued. Cricket, cricket, cricket...

"When does your X-husband come back?" he finally asked.

"Sometime around [previously mentioned undisclosed date]."

Then there was silence again. I think I wasn't alone in feeling the awkwardness. It was only getting worse. Do we remain matter-of-fact? Do we get emotional? Do we diffuse the situation with humor or have we crossed into a conversation that is devoid of humor? Is it just me, or are the crickets getting louder? So I finally made up my mind.

"Look!" I shouted... damn, I didn't meant to say that so loud "It's probably good that you're leaving soon..."

Damn, where was I going with that? My mind drew a blank. I was going to say something, but now was thoroughly lost in the awkward vortex. Oh wait! Now I remember!

"It's good we spend some time apart" Actually, no it's not, it thoroughly sucks "but..."

Mayday! Mayday! We're going down!

"... but I won't do anything with anyone..." I finally said "even if the divorce is final before you get back from Germany."

"Are you joining a nunnery?" he quipped.

"Jackass!" I screamed "I hate you."

"Oh wait, hang on!" he said defensively "You don't mean that."

He almost looked hurt. "I'm going to Germany to work, not play." he said "I trust you. So you should trust me. We can't do this now, but I'm willing to wait for something that could be good for me."

In a rare moment of seriousness, the conversation done and over with in a round-about, circumnavigation sort of way. We managed to get through our first serious heart to heart and I got through it unscathed. Then that bastard smiled.

"But if it makes you feel better... you can give me a curfew."

D'oh!

When I began this blog, I did it for the purposes of telling some of those tall tales and campfire stories you always share while drinking beer and eating s'mores.

It's time I came out and said that almost everything I post on here is "based on a true story". I take some artistic license by sometimes posting things out of sequence, splicing two different events together or exaggerating certain things to tell a more interesting story. Some things are just downright fiction with a dash of truth sprinkled in. After a few comments, I've come to realize that some people are taking this blog more seriously than it was ever meant to be taken. While everything I write is inspired by real life events, not every line is true.

So I've posted a disclaimer on the top of all my posts.

Also, not to break everyone's hearts but the man I have been referring to as Cowboy is an un-credited co-writer. Some of you that have been reading me for awhile know that I used to only post once a day or less, but now I am up to two or three a day. Basically, I've found my muse.

Just so I can retain some kind of trust from my readers, I'll offer this: If you really want to know what's true and what's not, e-mail me. I'll tell you. But it might make this blog a lot less interesting.

I do apologize that I didn't put this up 3 months earlier, when I began this blog. I probably should have. I hope none of you feel betrayed by this.

On another broiling day at work, I had once called Cowboy a Lothario:

(Go here for original post)

Patrick: 1st off, I don't have a blog link on you, do you have a blog? If so, link! Gimme! I wanna see!
I do agree with you on your points; the leadership has such a feeling of entitlement that their "You're either with us or against us" snotty attitude takes the moderates (who could be their best bets on getting anything productive past) over to the other side because of the back lash. It's a bit like the feminazis who turn people against equality for women because they're just not a group you want to associate with. Part of any type of leadership is charisma and some times... being self-righteous doesn't cut it.

Wegrit, Deutlich, NamesAreHardToPick, LT Nixon, Kenyata, Princess Pointful, Tiffany, Angela, Technodoll: Hey, Good to know that the majority of my blog readers (or blog commenters) can agree with me on this very contraversial topic.

Heff: I know you weren't the anonymous guy who left a comment on my blog. That was Guile, so no worries there. As for being a conservative Republican, I won't say that you're my polar opposite in politics, but when it comes to Social issues, you might as well be. That being said, you can feel free to express yourself on MY blog as you please, I don't moderate comments and I doubt I ever will. But after reading this post, I will say that you might be called out on your beliefs since it seems most of my blog readers are like me when it comes to politics. Up to you how you handle it.

Guile (Anonymous): We've already had this argument face to face. I know that the people who you are referring to are wonderful, reasonable, and caring people, to the point where once upon a time, I would have been happy to call them "mom and dad" HOWEVER the reasons for which they believe that same sex marriage shouldn't be legal just do not make any sense to me. It seems like a personal feeling, and feelings should not dictate policy as much as logic. That being said, after all these years you know I have nothing but the utmost respect for them.

Do you know "the talk". You know, the scary one! The one where you finally admit that the entire time you've been doing this Friend-zone tapdance, you've secretly been hoping to morph into something more. You know, the absolutely frightening rite-of-passage conversation.

The pathetic thing about me is that I can bare my soul on my blog or in a handwritten letter, but when I am face-to-face with someone with I might have genuine affection for, my brain feels about this big:

I'm just programmed that way. I don't talk about mushy feelings and I don't say the L-word. UnFortunately for me, I have found a man who is programmed exactly the same way. So we've been dragging our feet on this.

But the yesterday it was almost unavoidable. I picked him up at the airport, and I saw his tall figure waiting outside the terminal. He was in uniform, with his back against the wall, one foot propped up like the marlboro man. I realized 'damn, I actually missed him'.

An anonymous commenter said we should have a same sex marriage debate. So readers, what do you think about the issue?

Over the last few days I've been going in and out of the Health Center for my knee. X-rays, exams, check ups... the newest development is that I've got to go see an orthopedist to get evaluated with the possibility of surgery looming on the horizon. So I paced back and forth around my house, my puppies in tow, ruminating over the issue at hand.

So, since my husband and I started the divorce process, I've received three marriage proposals. 

Sometimes it astounds me how many people make assumptions about my political affiliation. I usually class myself as Libertarian, but since most people misunderstand those values and many politicians mis-use that political classification I usually just say I'm Independent. It facilitates communication.